Hi. My name is Megan and I am perpetually single.
I was never the girl that had boys falling over themselves to be with. I was the friend. I was quiet and shy and a little chubby and I lacked any and all self confidence. This is something that I’ve carried with me from being a teenager to being an adult.
Putting yourself out there is scary. It’s really fucking scary. I am an introvert and the idea of being in a relationship is incredible but I have no idea how to do it. I don’t know how to flirt. I don’t know how to meet guys at the bar. I’m this hopeless romantic that wants to meet the love of my life in a book store but we all know that’s probably not going to happen.
Like most people my age, I have drunkenly downloaded Tinder then deleted in the morning too many times to count. Nothing ever comes from it and honestly? Tinder has always made me feel worse about myself. Not for anything that any of the guys have done but because of my own shitty mindset.
I’m trying to fix it, I’m trying to work on my confidence, but the amount of times I have swept left on a guy because I thought he was too good for me is…gross. I almost never talked to anyone or even tried to show a bit of interest because I would see these guys that were super cute and in shape and they seemed funny and sweet but then I would wonder what they would see in me then not even bother.
This is terrible! This is an awful way to think about myself and at this rate, I am never going to find someone! I want someone to fall in love with, someone to build a life with. I want someone to marry and have kids with. I’m not going to meet that guy just sitting on my couch.
So I did it. I took the plunge and I signed up for online dating. I have no idea how it’s going to go but I am trying to do it all with a new confidence. I want so badly to feel good about myself so that is what I am working on. I’m not looking at the guys that pop up in my matches as too good for me. I’m trying not to, at least.
Who knows…maybe I won’t meet anyone. Maybe in six months, I’ll be telling you about my new boyfriend. The point is, I’m taking the pressure off and I’m just having fun with it. I’ll keep you guys posted, let you know if anything fun happens. I guess I just wanted to talk about it and if there is anyone else out there who is terrified of opening yourself up…you’re not alone. I’m with you.