March. March is coming close and we are in Pisces season and I am feeling super emotional.
This March, I am turning 27 years old. TWENTY SEVEN. That number feels so big. I’m really feeling a little conflicted going into my 27th year and I don’t know how I feel about it all.
On one hand, I’m feeling really positive about 27. There’s just something about it. I can’t explain it but something has told me for a long time that 27 is going to be my year. I have good feelings about it. It’s such a random number, really. It’s not like a milestone year like 30 or anything like that. It’s random but to me, it feels like it’s so significant and I don’t know why.
27 is also scary. Maybe this is something that a lot of people my age feel but I don’t know. When I think about my life and my experiences and where I am right now, I always thought that things would be different. There’s this weird pressure to have accomplished so much at a young age. I thought that I would be in a career that I love, I thought that maybe I would be in a relationship and thinking about starting a family. I thought that I would have lost weight, gotten into shape, grew into a confident woman.
I had this picture that by now, I would have my perfect life. I would be in good shape, I would be the girl that goes to yoga and farmers markets, I would have a cat and a record player, I would be making money as a writer. I would have a largely plant based diet. I would at least maybe be dating or seeing someone. I would go to art museums in the day and go out to chic bars at night on the weekend. I mean, I don’t even know if this is realistic but that’s what I want my life to look like. That’s what I want when I think of my dream life.
And I guess I thought I would have that by now. I am both weirdly excited about getting older and terrified. I feel like everyone else in the world know how to be an adult and I have no fucking idea what’s going on. I can’t be the only one, right?
But maybe this is the year that changes. Maybe this is the year that I take the steps towards building the life that I want. One of my big goals for 2019 was to believe in myself. I want to believe that I can take better care of my health (mental and physical), I want to believe that I can take charge of my life and my career and put the hard work into becoming a writer.
A dream is great but it takes hard work and maybe 27 is the year that I put that work in. I’m feeling better than I have in a long time but I have these deep moments of doubt. I want to be able to look back at this and remind myself that I can push through.
We’re all just trying to get through, right? I might not be where I thought I would be at 27 but that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is where I’m going.