I’ve been sitting on this post all night.
I always like writing something up at the end of the old year, looking forward into the new year. I write about the things I’ve learnt, the times that mattered most, and the people that changed it all for the better, full of hope and excitement for the next year.
I’m not feeling that excitement this year.
2016 has been full of ups and downs. It’s been an emotional year for me for many different reasons. And I wish that I was ending 2016 with a bang, feeling on top of the world and ready to take on whatever life throws at me.
Right now, I’m feeling stuck and a little lost. I feel like the world is rushing around me and I’m not going anywhere. The last few months of 2016 have been hard for me and right now, I really don’t know how I feel about going into 2017.
All of that being said, however, I am trying so hard to wish for the best. 2017 is either going to be an incredible year or a terrible year. I have goals and resolutions and dreams for the upcoming year and as shitty as I feel, as stuck and as lost as I might feel right now, I’m hopeful.
I’m hoping for the best in 2017. I’m hoping for joy and love and happiness. I’m hoping that I will be grateful for the good moments and the bad moments, because they’re all important.
In 2017, my focus is on myself. I’m sure that you’ve heard this a million times (new year, new me!) from everyone in your life but whatever, this is my new years post and imma do what I want!
I hope to eat better. I hope to take care of my body because I’m sick of feeling tired and lethargic and sluggish. I hope to move forward in my life and be in a place where I don’t dread waking up every morning because I’m really sick of the dread and the anxiety when my alarm goes off at 5:30 every morning.
Something that I’ve been trying to do and something I hope to do more of in 2017, is bring back the things that make me happy. I remember being a young teenager and having hobbies and interests in my life that I was so passionate about but maybe out of fear or something else, I’ve let them fall to the side.
I adored fashion and art and history and poetry and creative writing and photography and painting. I loved it all so much and I had dreams of being a writer and a designer and a artist but then I was always told that I needed a back up plan because you have to be really talented to succeed in these creative fields. I think that my anxiety ridden and insecure brain interpreted that as you’re not good enough, give up now and get a normal job.
I want this passion back in my life, no fear. I want to follow my heart, my gut. I don’t want to fear what could go wrong.
So here’s to 2017. Please be kind to me.